Bullying
Bullying is a problem that can have tragic consequences. Fortunately it has received a lot of attention in the media in recent years. Unfortunately, it remains a far too common part of life for many children and adolescents. In one study of Midwestern junior high school students, 80% of students reported being bullied at least once a month that varied from name calling and verbal threats to physical violence. While some adults dismiss bullying as “just a part of childhood” it can result in long-‐term problems for both the bully and their victim and should never be tolerated.
Facts about bullying
- Both girls and boys can be bullies
- Bullies target children who cry, get mad, or easily give in to them
- Bullies try to control children by scaring them
- Bullying usually happens when other children are watching, often outside of the classroom
How to help your child avoid being bullied
Because bullies victimize those they see as isolated or weak, help your child become a less likely target by teaching them the following:
- Tell your child not to react to the bully, particularly by giving into their demands. A bully likes to see their victim become upset or cry. The power to provoke that response reinforces bullying behavior. Teach your child to keep their composure and simply walk away.
- If walking away or ignoring a bully does not work, your child should become assertive. Standing tall, looking the bully in the eye and making a strong, clear statement like “stop doing that now!” lets the bully know that your child is not a easy, weak target. For many children, this is not an easy thing to do. Practice at home, so that in the heat of the moment your child will be more comfortable taking an assertive stance with a bully.
- Help your child form strong friendships. A child who has loyal friends is less likely to be singled out by a bully. There are a lot of activities your child can participate in from team sports to clubs that can help them develop social skills and the self-‐confidence that comes with mastering something they enjoy.
- If a bully situation persists, talk to your child’s teacher or principal. When school officials know about a situation, they can become involved and help end it. While you may be reluctant to get involved, for fear of embarrassing your child, remember your child deserves to feel safe at school.
When to suspect bullying
Many children are embarrassed about being the victim of a bully and will be reluctant to tell their parents about it. It can be helpful to ask questions such as “how are things going at school?”, “What do you think of the other kids in your class?”, or more directly “does anyone get picked on at school?” Other signs that a child is being bullied include not wanting to go to school or an activity, having difficulty paying attention at school, being unusually sad or moody, or developing symptoms like headaches or stomach aches.
What to do when your child is the bully
If you find out your child is a bully get involved right away to help change their behavior. In the long term, childhood bullies are at increased risk of continuing to have problems when they become adults.
- Set firm and consistent limits on aggressive behavior. Be sure your child knows that bullying is NEVER okay.
- Be a positive role model. All children can learn to treat others with respect. Demonstrate to your child that there are other ways of getting what they want without teasing, threatening or hurting someone.
- Help your child understand how their behavior affects others. Give real examples of good and bad results of their actions.
Cyberbullying
As digital technology and social media continue to evolve, it is no surprise that bullying has also gone online. Cyberbullying is particularly challenging because the bullies are often harder to identify and stop than offline bullies. Signs that your child is affected by cyberbullying include becoming unusually upset or withdrawn after using the computer or cell phone. Unusual computer activity such as switching screens when you walk into the room or multiple log-ins that you don’t recognize are also signs your child may be involved in cyberbullying.
If you find out your child is being cyberbullied, save all e-‐mails, instant messages and text messages. If the situation gets to the point that the police need to get involved, they will use this information to track down the IP address to find the bully. While it is very likely that your child knows the cyberbully, tracking down the IP address is important because there have been cases of mistaken identity in cyberbullying.
Source: healthychildren.org
